Lennard Rafael

turn over

2010-08-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

i wish to 'start over'. please i dont wish to lose yall. i want to find my way back.

Bad...

2010-07-22T09:03:00.000-07:00

Ingot a feeling i screwed up yet again.

I need to change.

paramore~~

2010-03-12T08:54:00.000-08:00

I am going away for a while
But I'll be back don't try and follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
And it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes

And run from them, from them
With no direction
We'll run from them, from them
With no conviction

'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me
And we just go in circles

Now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify
Our broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on

And run to them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away

And there's no one road
We should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me

They echo me in circles

paramore~

2010-03-12T08:52:00.001-08:00

We still live in the same town, well, don't we?
But I don't see you around anymore.
I go to all the same places, not even a trace of you..
Your days are numbered at 24.
And I'm getting bored waiting round for you,
We're not getting any younger, and I
Won't look back 'cause there's no use
It's time to move forward!

I feel no sympathy,
You lived inside a cave!
You barely get by the rest of us,
You're trying, there's no need to apologize,
I've got no time for feeling sorry!

I tried not to think of what might happen,
When your reality, finally, cuts through.
Well, as for me, I got out and I'm on the road.
The worst part it that this (THIS!), this could be you.
You know it too, you can't run from your shame!
You're not getting any younger, time,
Is passing by, but you waited awake..
It's time to roll over!

I feel no sympathy,

You lived inside a cave!
You barely get by the rest of us,
You're trying, there's no need to apologize,
I've got no time for feeling sorry!

And all the best lies,
They are told with fingers tied!
So cross them tight,
Won't you promise me tonight
If it's the last thing you do, you'll get out..

now. forget you.

2010-03-12T08:18:00.000-08:00

i think its bout time i stop.

band, band. band. band. band. band. choir =)

2010-01-31T07:36:00.000-08:00

ive decided to join an additional 2 outside bands. so now im involved in 6. Peixin, StGab, SP Symphonic and SPJazz along with the latest SWS Youths and finally the big band formed by elias. not to forget SRC choir!

so a week (in the holidays) would look like this:
monday SPSB 630-930
tuesday Peixin 9-5, SPJazz 630-930
wednesday peixin 9-5, SPSB 630-930
thurs StGab 1-5, SPJazz 630-930
fri either Peixin or StGab in the afternoon, SRC prac 830-10
saturday Peixin 9-3, SRC 530 mass, big band 730-930
sunday SWS 11-2.

hah. more of less planned a schedule...

how sad, now that i think about it.

but im fine with it..

i guess.

hmmm....

2009-11-21T07:34:00.000-08:00

it seems im only to live and not divulge my feelings and emotions to others. not unless i tell them to the persons it relates to. seem to drift apart every time i admit or share a sensitive issue with a neutral party. im a total loss to how it always seem to happen. i know that i should be making more efforts. but things seem to completely block me off. ive grown weak to facing up to failures. its always so difficult to pick myself up so thats why i look to minimize my misgivings. be more cautious and open minded and strong.

2009-11-14T11:18:00.000-08:00

I don't mean to run.
But every time you come around I feel more confusion than ever.
And I guess it's too much, maybe I'm still too young and I don't even know what's real.
But I know I never wanted anything so bad.

If you let me love you.
Be the one adored.
Would you go all the way?
And be the one I'm looking for.

Help me come back down
From high above the clouds.
But I blame myself.
And why do I deny the things that burn down deep
I'm barely breating.
But you just give a smile.
And I don't want to let this go.

next year

2009-11-09T07:58:00.000-08:00

it went fine, but im gonna be among the top next year. slight disappointment, i wanna rectify that. im not serious enough this time. but, anyhow, congrats to the top 3. the standard is set. its gonna be different for me next year. and much more difficult.

hmm..

2009-11-05T08:24:00.000-08:00

I have almost everything a human could desire
Cars and houses to light my fire
But there's something missing
Something isn't there
It seems I'm never kissing the one that I could care for

I want something to live for
Someone to make my life an adventurous dream
Oh, what wouldn't I give for
Someone who'd take my life and make it seem
Gay as they say it ought to be

Why can't I have love like that brought to me?
My eye is watching the noon crowds
searching the promenades seeking a clue
To the one who will someday be my
Something to live for
Something to live for
Something to live for

this is pretty nice. made me wonder a lil. cuz i have mouthed those very questions to myself i guess, from time to time.

oie~

2009-11-01T07:57:00.000-08:00

breyann lennard rafael.

im giving u the whole of this month to get ur ass working hard. sch work are to be done well and be attentive and not let ur concentration drop. drink lots of coffee or tea if it helps.
symphonic pracs are now to focus on the solo com till its over and ensure u feel that u've dine the best alr. in other words, dun regret blah blah. try not to re visit those times after attempts at auditions.
jazz music should flood your brain whenever silence is ringing in your ears.like now.
PUT SOME MUSIC ON!
-done?-
alright. as i was saying. learn and know the basic and fundamentals of theory. practice too. and listen to more influences so that u may grasp that tone u feel u lack. dun be lazy u fat ass!

finally, so that u wont be nagged too much at by folks. try ur hardest to fall asleep by 12. and its 6 minutes away. latest 1230. okay? anyway, u know yourself that u wouldnt be so easily half dead during classes if u did had a lil bit more sleep.
right, i believe u'd do well. now go and make this month fruitful. dun fking come back emo one corner ah! i'll knnbccb ur ass. ;p

drannelnnayerb! saxy~

i wanna be awesome. no, i wanna juz be happy.

2009-10-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

here im gonna type out nearly every thought that comes in my head that is bothering me.

i know i appear like a decent kinda player. and prolly look like a showoff. yes. fine. i want to be good. i want to be awesome. but its not like i dun ever get moody. i know myself im still pretty lousy in many aspects. but id like to believe i can always do better. cause i want to feel good. and know and be satisfied that im doing alright. anyhow, theres hardly anything else i enjoy, no love to do. but at the same time i am aware im struggling like mad. example in the field of jazz. i gotta work my ass off to improve myself. and it fkin difficult. its not easy. i feel like giving up on many occasions. but then that would be boring, i would realize. and yes i also get lazy to practice. i wish i can practice all the time. but thats impossible and i may go crazy too. but somehow i find that i feel much better after knowing that its more acceptable after a lil effort in put in. ahh... so is it wrong to be a lil proud. i wanna be able to encourage ppl too. but i think maybe its better when someone kinda have an understanding then can motivate others. i remember seeing this somewhere:

Yes, the liberal man shall be rich! By watering others, he waters himself.

hmm.. i feel it can also be: by watering himself, he can water others. i know that so wat if im good or somethin like that. its more fun with u all. though of course i cant hide my ego. sorry bout that. i wanna have fun. but not alone.

another thing is, am i acting too much? i dun wanna be labeled as though im too 'action' or 'wannabe' or that im taking matters into my own hands. i got my style. we all have.but i more or less would ensure that i get things right. i wanna be able to build on wat i currently have. to improve. to perform is wat i enjoy. but i also have fears of screwing up. and i get affected big time. when i get in such moods, many things juz become pointless. and every minute depicts agony. perhaps thats why i always seem to appear that i make myself feel good.

its kinda a habit this symphonic band affair.i love the feel of playing band music. and as usual i wanna be the among the best. coz, why not? now ive stepped into jazz, i feel the strain. have to start from scratch. and soak up to the pressure that i set myself. i am disappointed in myself for nearly every session. and its bloody frustrating. but slowly i hope to gain that better experience inch by inch. in symphonic i kinda vent it out by making sure i can keep up and play well. of course i got lotsa things to brush up. i think i can. i hope to be able to be juz awesome one day.

i feel pretty strongly for this cuz its more or less the thing that has filled me up since young. or rather something that just makes me feel happy doing. even if everything else burns to the ground.

ooh..

2009-10-15T09:06:00.001-07:00

TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20) Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.

random.

2009-09-17T12:48:00.000-07:00

living the lives magically woven in the pages of books.
sometime i wonder and long for it.
perhaps that is why i find myself hooked.
wishing that even a tiny portion of the plot falls in place for me.
but still reality plunges you into the detail.
it is not as simple as to bridge words to a sentence.
making the changes ourselves as we flip a new chapter.
the script is our own to keep.
be mindful and wary though of everyone and everything as well.
where there is thrill there will be spills.
should i shut myself from these worlds i tend to place myself in.
where i am a character written within.
for i have defussed and contradicted the imaginary.
into what is being played out in reel time.
yet i know i will drift back to this momentary pleasure.
even though in the corner of my eye.
disappointment is there lying in wait.

2009-09-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

came across this haha

Somewhere Between All Our Laughs, Long Talks, Stupid Little Fights And All Our Jokes, I Fell In Love.

Love Is Being Stupid Together
Sometimes your best friend is the one person you fall for, Remember those good ole times you had 5 years ago when you lived down the street and played house together. Or the time that you decided to get in the photobooth and take a zillion different pictures making funny faces and by the end you found yourself being so close to them that you just wanted to touch your lips to theirs long enough to see what it would be like.

who am i

2009-08-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

i wonder how i appear to others. to my family, my teachers, friends, classmates, strangers?
sometimes i feel im very dull person. lack creativity to lighten up conversations.

i have been a failure to myself countless times. weak willed. someone straighten my back! argh!

am i missing out on my faith? my belief is not able to hold its own for too long before crumbling? self confidence not even able to reassure myself? have i grown a mask and lost myself? ARGH!

reflection

2009-08-03T08:52:00.000-07:00

I was existing each day

Leaning towards boredom of life

In front of me, i see only lines and random patterns scattered.

Keen to bring back that feeling

Encouraging myself to feel the music within

Yet, i wasn't strong enough to be inspired.

Out of the blue, you walked into the scene

Unknowingly, that point on i was lifted,

Like a sunrise, i was enlightened,

In my being, i acknowledged the shift in my soul.

Yesterday held those better moments,

I now await for the moon to set.

my message in every letter.

smile

2009-08-03T08:40:00.000-07:00

update, blog is now @ http://drannelnnayerb.blogspot.com/

a quote after consuming some chocolates:

A Smile Is A Curve That Sets A Lot Of Things Straight.

=D

2008-11-27T08:59:00.000-08:00

HELLO!

i got myself a new blog~

living-my-life-as-i-see-fit.blogspot.com

do update the link.. cya. oh and to answer the question in the previous post, it has been a year when i decided to blog again.. haha

random fact. =D

cya!

2007-11-23T05:31:00.000-08:00

wow.. its been that long? haha..

well i juz type out wadevas in my mind(not everything)...

hmm, my sa2 result were, overall poor.. sigh... s depressing to even think bout it... so finally, i'm having tuition... haha, but thats gonna start like early next month... 2 days after my return.. from? Yeah! band trip to japan!!!!

haha.. so excited.. argh!! cant time speed up? er, no!!!! i still havent gotten my winter jacket and stuff, i'll freeze there!!! hahaha... its like 5 days to go but i wonder if anyone's started to pack.. well, its better late than never..

my holidays up to date have been quit erm, eventful.. mostly occupied by band prac for the trip and several visits to peixin including a performance among other alumni..ther were one or two purely for fun outings like jamming and soccer tournament where we were the fourth in the whole thing.. not to mention having gone to my drum major's crib to chill out after band prac.. (terrence 06/07 DM) so it wasn't really dull.. the mad part was that i had to return to the japan embassy 3 times which resulted in large taxi fare just to submit a satisfactory application... and tired legs... its like all the way in nassim road and biut nearly 2 km from orchard mrt station? had to return a fourth a final time to collect my passport which juz had a sticker which is the visa pasted within its pages..

now about today.. the usual, Band!!!!!! and after that we bought a box containing 24 instant cup noodles.. haha.. we bring it to jap in case we get hungry.. apparently the price 4 food is gonna be real expensive.. then we made our way to my BIG junior's house.. haha.. played fifa and halo2 on his xbox360.. hahaaaaa... got lotsa soclding for arriving home late.. haha..

and now.. juz blogging and chatting with friends and checking out youtube..

i wonder when the next time i'll blog again.. haha..

well, tata for now..!!

.~_=*=_~.

2007-08-07T04:52:00.000-07:00

8 Days...

4 Practices left... (or 3, maybe monday is a rest day)

15Aug: Concert Day...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

man, this morning was kinda crap..

first 2 lessons we had tests... POA then Cemistry.. i am so gonna fail for both....

at least the rest of the lessons were pretty slack.... after chem was MT (free period), recess and 3 periods of Art....

today's band prac for me was a little different, had masterclass for oboe.... it was cool... i learned the basics... which NO ONE taught me finally... yay! Played so much better!!!!!!! THANK YOU SIR!!!!!!

after that joined the main band... i can say we're improving.. though i should be saying we're running through instead... somehow we always seem to save our best one... very weird... i hope by this friday it would all be nearly perfect....

today... hahaha...

2007-06-28T06:05:00.000-07:00

The day started quite badly...

got summoned to the general office by my poa teacher... and she had a chat with my mum....

i didn't stay behind for detention yesterday (coz of french class) so i had to make up for it today... sigh...

the good thing though, i skipped the recruits prac, and juz went straight to main band prac... haha... and the detention wasn't a total disaster....

argh!! , was disappointed to see two saxophonists missing.... there were one tenor and three altos today... since the biggest family member missing (bari sax), i thought i'd play... haha... lame.... today the band experience mega bass... hahaha...

somehow my oboe sounded great today... after soaking the reed for nearly an hour....

alright... nothing else alr........... now gonna prac//

2007-06-10T07:08:00.000-07:00

heya...

now multi-tasking...

typing this thingy, chattin with a friend, watching the tennis men's final, readind stuff, trying to shut out the irritating voice of my sis....

well, today was quite eventful... haha

we attended the 10am mass at the good sheperd church, bras basa..... then we made our way to SMU to catch the celebrations of the 109th independence day of the philippines...it was wild and loud... saw a few celebs whom i've never heard of... hahah... i've fogotten their names already... there's this guy called john lyod i think... and the little big star boy, makisig.... and a funny person called candy...

saw ranne there... later found out, hours after we left, that fj and th gang were also there... walao.. haha... ranna even went through great lenghts to get the autographs and snap a few pics... go ranne! haha

after that we bought a web cam so that we could communicate better with our relative back in the phil....

back home poked a bit of fun at my sis... had a little exchange of words... hahaha... its still going on at this very moment... i'm not moving my butt off this chair... haha...

not yet anyway...

well i'll end here... tmr got band prac... yay... itching to play again... haha... watching movie with some buddies after that.... hahha,,, alright...

ok, good night and a early happy independence day to all u pinoys!!! hahahah

2007-05-14T08:03:00.000-07:00

Juz sitting in front of the com... the tv is not switched off in the living room... sis sleeping... mom picking up dad at the airport... HAHA!!!! I'm the king of the house.. (for a couple of hours)

So, wat to do.... major exams done so nothing to study... if i ever did anyway... oh yeah, we got a GOLD!!! kinda late but who cares... hahahaha... EPL is once again in the colours of RED of MANCHESTER UNITED!!! Yahoo!!!! okay... back to reality.... I'm 15!! yay... lol... lame....

Now wat to do at this very instant... then it came to me: blog!

...............................

so now i juz typing away stuff... i think i should write about my exams...

nah... i think today's events would do...

today was physics paper and yeah, its said to be easy to score high... but i guess the 'slacking disease' got me and so did 'football fever' and 'post-Gold-award-for-band madness' as well... lol... wat the heck am i saying?

so after the paper... it was the same routine for the past 2 weeks... soccer time... lol... its better than juz wasting money to go on a 9-hour lan gaming frenzy... hahaha... no offence guyz.. well. when i got home... i slept away most of the afternoon... i rather play x box....but the sleep monster got me...

so now i'm online, checking friendster, and blogging... i rarely blog so there must be an occasion... yup... i'm MEGA bored... lol..

sigh.. i think i'll go play xbox before calling it a day...

Tough.. or am i juz too slack? C'MON ST. GAB'S BAND!!!!!!

2007-04-13T08:01:00.000-07:00

Woah... my first post for 2 months... hahaha... Very busy.. and lazy... and the ------ com always got problemmm hahaha... (not really a vulgar language) lol...

Sigh... what a month... SYF day's on 17th, tuesday... Sa1 on 30th.. haven't study... music and other crap is fillin' my head... i'm probably a lame blogger... hahah... typing lame stuff.. but its wat ya wanna write when ya have a blog right? so who cares.....

My gosh... PHS got a 'B' . Yishun town got silver, walao.. lots of result which were really disappointing... Come on guys!!!!!! bloody hell, i dun wan us to be called 'St Garbage' We can do this!!! Aim for Gold with honours!!!!!!! Give it ur all!!!! Juz enjoy ur music and play with all ur pride... We got this bloody far, screw it if we dun do the best of our abilities not juz a 'tried our best' effort... i can't say much as i'm juz a sec 3 but i hope we would understand.... so guyz, all the best.. EXODUS RULEZ!!

2007-01-06T06:33:00.000-08:00

There was a bbq juz a few blocks away... too bad there was no one familiar... sigh... the guys close to my age suddenly left to play DOTA... sigh, if i didn't suck that badly i wouldn't mind joining them....

In the end i called my mom to bring the soccer ball... at first i juz practiced shooting low and hard then dad came along so i played the 'ole' game with him.... hahahahaha....

i think i woke up my dad's hidden talent... LOL! he was quite good, as though juz out of practice... cool...

hahahahahaha.....

now i'm so bored... juz chatting with some ppl... lol..

Aiya... Dun wanna type anymore.. worse comes to worse.. i'll play maple... ARGH!!

school....

2007-01-04T02:20:00.000-08:00

Sigh..

hahaha, this really helps.. blogging.. hahaha....

Sec 3 alr... woah...in 3E5... lil bit of regrets...

Crap, time to forget bout that.. muz be at least top 5 this year in my class and top 25 in the school... Yeah... I'll work hard...

now about the first two days...

3rd Jan....

left the house at 6.30 (the earliest i've ever left for school) i can't get late on the first day... hahaha... so i saw my reflection while walking... an idiot wearing pants... cool.

yeah.. back now and saw lil kiddies and familiar faces, oh.. my mates in pants too...

once we're settled into our classes our principal (i think) told us that we would be going for CIP together as one united Gabrielite family.... what the.... well, at least no lessons...

before we the day ended we had talks from a couple of teachers... then Bye Bye!

.....

met up with haizair and bazli in Northpoint and thanks A.k! haha.. chairman.. right, we had a stroll and caught up with old friends..

now, we went to a nearby building and had a -----.... i had only one ---- cuz i told him that i would finish it so that he would break his habbit...i hope he does..

lol... then we played soccer... then visited a friend before going back home...

didn't use the com at night cuz of my sis...

okay.. thats done

4th Jan:

hahahaha.. woke up at 6.30... gonna be late if i don't hurry up...

yay... still no lessons.. only starts tomorrow... cool...

we juz decided on our class motto.. "Do your best and God will do the rest"

hahah.. nice... i didn't even know the school changed the theme for this year cuz they've been using "Peace begins with me" for the last two years.. lol now it's "One heart, One Spirit" or was it the other way round?

then we had another assembly... at least it was okay.. kinda funny and lame... and yeah! 1 and a half hour recess... i think it's only the socond time this happened.. cool...

in the end there was juz half an hour left till we're dismissed... had a bit of sharing then freedom! hahahahahaha...

i thought i might have to stay back cuz of band but it was juz a short meeting on the CCA fair.. i'm head of logistis... what the...

ah... then i spent the rest of the afternoon playing soccer... now i'm damn tired... sigh.. i wish i had done a lil bit more and end up in 3E2...

hahaha.. and hungry, cya.. wanna eat something.

2006-12-31T03:11:00.000-08:00

These past few days have been a blur.. let's go back to those events

26th and 27th December:

Band camp! Argh! i was late again... haha what a bad habbit. as usual we play the same two pieces over and over again..( Hanover Festival and Singapore Sunrise) Sigh.. but at least
i would be playing soprano sax for SYF. Yay! Lunch wasn't that good though.. lots of peeps
were in the loo and i found it difficult to find any unoccupied.. hahha. We had sound test in Singapore Confrence Hall at night and i recorded our practice.. i have to say that we were not that bad, a low silver standard.. But we can achieve a gold or even Honours! haha.

Second day of camp.. morning exercises.. dodgeball... hahah.. lame.. so the usual sectionals in the morning then mainband... all the way till 10..*(the food was better coz the conductor got affected as well..) then night activities.. hide and seek plus catching.. haha.. i slipped on the wet surface but thats all... Now, here comes the sabo (stupid ass bodo outsiders) lol.. joke.. Some alumni came back around 2am to throw water bombs at unsuspecting members.. (mainly sec 1 and 2) In the end they KENA by JEFF CHAN... haha.. then talk talk for an hour.. zzz.....

FASTFORWARD! >>

hahaha... 29th December:

Skipped the rest of camp and left at 8am.. went home by taxi.. lazy to walk... then left home after a proper bath and meal at 11 to meet up with Haizair, Is, Kalai and Bazli.. ate lunch at North Point the went to John Little to buy a tie for the performance in the evening... then we're in Peixin.. last min prac cuz i didn.t attend the last few pracs.. hha.. juz two more songs to play..

So so it's show time! hahaha

BUT! the first half was... not good..

but they were determined to do better and they gave a much betta performance in the second half.. Yeah! go Peixin! hahaha....

One more thing..it was surprising to see the gals in their outfits.. hahahahahahahaha..

alright.. now about yesterday..

30th December..

woke up at 12! what the.. was i really that tired? Nvm.. rushed to Px cuz ppl were sending "WHERE R U?!!!" hahah.. but when i arrived it was a less than pleasent atmosphere.. Sharlene lost her phone.. so every one was a suspect and were kept in the hall.. crap sia that idiot who stole her phone...
But soon everyone was eating the food prepared and playing games.. Soon the P6s were having a chat wioth sir bout going off to secondary school and we alumni were playing with water.. what the heck... hahaha.. the whole canteen was wet and we looked like we showered in our clothes.. hahaha.. i knew somthing like this would happen.. hahah... well, thats about it.. haha cya g2g out for celebrations..Happy New Year EVERYONE!!

hahah..

2006-12-26T05:14:00.000-08:00

..... bored.. nth to say today..except.... Merry Christmas to everyone!!